


Stay With Me

by rainingover



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Dreams, Established Relationship, Grieving, M/M, Past Character Death, This Is Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 12:28:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10100825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainingover/pseuds/rainingover
Summary: Kihyun dreams of rain against windows, of warm breath against his ear, of laughing until his ribs hurt, and then some more.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [andnowforyaya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/andnowforyaya/gifts).



> For Yaya, who wanted Kiho angst. <3

 

 

Kihyun dreams of rain against windows, of warm breath against his ear, of laughing until his ribs hurt, and then some more. Dreams of soft hands, warm hands, hands that run over his thighs, hands that belong to a man who belongs to him. And then he dreams of bright eyes and full lips, of rough words, of  _those_  words, spoken between kisses, spoken alongside kisses, spoken before, and after. He hears them like an echo and they dull the pain that's trying to take over. He wishes he could remember why he's so sad.

Kihyun reaches out for Hoseok and pulls him close. Whispers, "I love you forever," against his mouth and kisses him with an urgency he can’t remember why is there.

Hoseok, says, "I have to leave now," and Kihyun feels the familiar ache in his chest, begs him, "No, no, no." Curls his fingers into the warmth of Hoseok’s t-shirt, fists so tight it hurts as he pleads Hoseok not to go again, because he’s going to go - he always does - even if Kihyun can’t remember why, or where to.

Hoseok kisses him again and their teeth clash and Kihyun tastes salt and when Hoseok pulls away he lets out a breathless laugh and says, "I'm only playing, Kihyunie. It's too warm here with you, I could never leave."

Kihyun lets the tear tracks dry on his cheeks and slowly relaxes into Hoseok’s embrace. Says, "I know you’d never leave me, not on purpose," and nestles his face into Hoseok’s neck. They're safe, like this, and it's all Kihyun wants.

“Stay here” he whispers. “Stay here so no one can take you away from me.” Hoseok laughs softly and draws idle circles against his shoulder and whispers. “I’ll always be here,” but Kihyun knows that he won’t be.

He wakes up to the sound of birds outside and to sun creeping in through the gap in his curtains. Keeps his eyes closed as he takes a deep breath and clings tightly onto the image of Hoseok’s sleepy face, clings into the smell of his skin and the hot touch of his hands and prays for it to return in some form the next night (and every one after that).

The bed feels empty, but Kihyun feels emptier when he finally opens his eyes. He smiles at the framed photo on the bedside table, on his and Hoseok’s smiling faces, confetti raining over them as they’d left the hotel, officially married. His favourite photo: the one that sits next to the order of service from the funeral. It's been there for over a month and Kihyun wants to move it, but he can't bear to pick it up, because if it's a part of him, the feel of the paper, the weight of it in his hand, it will become too real. The dreams might stop. And the dreams are all he has.

"You said you'd never leave," he whispers, reaching out towards the picture, but his hand doesn’t reach the frame.

"I didn't," Hoseok replies from the doorway. Bed-hair and two mugs of coffee and a soft expression. There’s something sad behind his eyes.

“You’re back.” Kihyun takes his hand when he offers it. The coffee mugs are suddenly gone and it makes Kihyun think of the silly little mistakes in movie scenes. Things like that happen a lot now, nothing ever quite truly feels real anymore. Not even when he’s awake. Which he isn’t, Kihyun realises.

"I never left.” Hoseok smiles, and that’s real, that  _has_ to be real. Nothing that beautiful can just be part of his imagination, surely. That would be cruel and unfair and it would hurt too much.

It hurts too much. It always hurts.

Kihyun sinks deeper into Hoseok’s embrace and hopes this time the dream will last forever. But all dreams have to end, and when Kihyun wakes up their bed is too empty and the ache in his chest remains. And Hoseok is still gone forever, at least until Kihyun can get back to sleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry ;;;;


End file.
